5 normal sparks in marriages!

I noticed that my wife had been reading the same page in a book for about forty-five minutes! I could see from where I was sitting opposite her that she was looking over the book, just staring into space!

Having been married for fifteen years, I could tell she wasn’t quite herself.

“Is anything wrong?” I enquired.

Silence.

“Honey, you haven’t turned the page of that book for forty-five minutes,”

Silence

“Okay, maybe it’s not something you want to talk about.”

I turned back to the book I was reading.

“I don’t know why you have to pretend you care!”

Uh oh! I put my book down.

“Honey?” I began politely, “I asked you if there was a problem—

“Yes, but did you wait for a response?”

Did I wait for a response?

“But I —

She stood up and walked out of the bedroom! I shrugged and continued reading my book.

Was I worried?

Maybe ten years ago I would have been worried!

Are we having serious problems with our marriage?  No. She’s a woman and I’m a man.  I can’t think or act like her no matter how hard I try and she can’t think or act like me no matter how hard she tries!

I remember an interview done with Ruth Graham where someone asked if she and Billy ever had any arguments.

“If we never argue that would mean one of us is dead.” That or something close was her reply.

You see, the fact that couples disagree or argue doesn’t necessarily mean that their marriage is threatened.

My wife is Sanguine and she has the tendency to wear her emotions on her sleeves.  Being a woman and having tons of emotions, you can imagine how many arguments or to be honest ‘fights’ we got into before I grew older and (thank God) wiser.

I am by no means saying that frequent disagreements, quarrels and shouting matches in a marriage are healthy.  These are of course symptoms of an unhealthy marriage and if care is not taken, divorce is often the destination of such marriages.

My point is that when you have two different species (Male and Female) from different backgrounds, different homes and different life experiences, living together in some twenty square feet of space, there are bound to be sparks!

However, it is not every spark that can lead to the divorce court and I’ll mention five of the harmless sparks in marriages here.  These are sparks that are normal and should not give couples, especially wives, any sleepless nights.

1)   REPEATED ARGUMENTS OVER THE SAME ISSUE: “Where are my keys?” my wife screams. “Has anyone seen my keys?”

I’m the only one in the house with her but I keep quiet. Maybe someone else in the house will respond!

“Honey, have you seen my car keys anywhere?” “Oh, were you talking to me?”

She gives me a curious look.

“If you would just take the trouble to keep your keys in one spot, by the door shelf where I keep mine, you wouldn’t be looking for them all the time.”

I reach under the sofa and throw the key in her direction.  Without exaggeration, I can safely say that we’ve had this conversation over 2,000 times!

Is our marriage in trouble because my wife won’t keep her keys where I keep mine?  Of course not! Because she’s a woman and I’m a man, there will always be areas where it will be downright impossible to change and we’ll in all likelihood continue to have arguments in those areas till we’re both old and Grey.

NB: Watch out for the concluding part next week!

Eagles don’t fly with Vultures!

The two friends stood outside the Italian style building, the tension between them visible, even in the dark.

‘Look, you’re carrying this Christian thing too far. It’s a harmless party. I tell you there is nothing to worry about, Lizzy could barely conceal her anger.

‘I don’t think you can call this party a harmless one’, Funke responded quietly

‘Well, what’s wrong with the party?’ Lizzy’s patience was wearing thin.

‘What’s wrong with the party? There’s a pornographic movie playing on the wall, people are doing all kinds of crazy stuff all over the place and you ask me what’s wrong with the party?’

Two girls came out of the hall a few meters away, rushed past an alarmed Funke and jumped straight into a swimming pool a few feet away, laughing hysterically.

In the glare of the flood lights in the premises, she could see that they had nothing but their birthday suits on!

A few minutes later, three boys followed suit! They were also naked!

Turning away from the swimmers who were raising hell in the pool, Funke pleaded with Lizzy. ‘Please take me home’.

Lizzy shook her head in disgust. ‘You better grow up. I’m having fun. Besides, there’s no way Richard’s gonna agree to leave the party right now. We’ve barely spent an hour!

With that, she staggered back into the hall and was soon enveloped by the noise and smoke.

Outside, Funke stood wondering what she had gotten herself into. She could feel the icy cold breeze penetrating her slightly clad skin. There were goose pimples all over her. She could hear the swimmers giggling foolishly inside the pool.

She was confused. It was 2:00am and it would be foolish to walk down the lonely streets trying to get a Cab at that hour. She would be mugged for sure! If only she hadn’t listened to Lizzy. They had been friends since childhood and were classmates at the University.

About two months back, Funke had become a committed Christian. Despite the fact that she had always been quite well behaved, it was obvious that something had happened to her. Her friends complained that she wasn’t that much fun to be with anymore. She no longer joined in their discussions about boys and she was no longer a Beyonce fan!

While she had summoned enough courage to tell some of her friends that she really wanted to be left alone, Lizzy was a different matter. Lizzy had always been wild and had a habit of going steady with two Boys at the same time!

Deep within her, Funke knew parting ways with Lizzy was the right thing to do but she just didn’t have the heart to do it. Here she was, at this party because Lizzy had begged for her company. Lizzy had pleaded that she didn’t want to be alone with Richard!

As she wondered if it wouldn’t be better to go back into the hall, Funke saw one of the guys from the University coming towards her. She didn’t know him by name but she had seen him around a few times.

‘How’re you doing?’ He slurred

‘Fine’ Funke replied and began to walk towards the hall. She had caught a whiff of Alcohol. The chap had taken quite a few shots it seemed. She didn’t want any of him!

The fellow was in her path in a second! ‘What’s the hurry”?

Funke tried to remain calm. ‘I just want to go back inside’

A silly smile appeared on his face. ‘Whatever for? Why don’t we join the guys in the pool? He began to unbutton his trousers!

Funke moved back hastily. ‘It’s too cold to swim”, she stammered. Without knowing why, fear was creeping into her!

She made a run for the hall but didn’t get very far. The fellow caught up with her after just a few steps and grabbed her with both arms. He was a well built fellow. In a moment, she found herself on the grass with a thud. Confused, she tried to fight him off. She couldn’t believe what was happening as he pinned her to the floor and began to fumble with her clothes!

‘What are you doing?’ Funke asked, terrified. She didn’t need an answer though. The floodlights were bright enough for her to see the look on his face.

Instinctively, she began to pray!

That seemed to get the fellow really upset as he let go of her and hit her on the face.

‘Shut up, shut up, you!’

Funke didn’t quite see what happened. The fellow was suddenly jerked off her and he fell flat on his back, a few feet away form her!

As it turned out, Richard, Lizzy’s date, had come out of the hall for a breather and had happened upon them. Recognizing Funke by her clothes, he had rushed in and flung the fellow off her!

To Funke’s surprise the fellow simply got up, put his trousers back on and walked back into the hall without saying a word!

‘What was that about?’ Richard asked with a look of surprise on his face

‘I can’t believe it!’, Funke began and then broke down in tears

‘It’s alright now.’ Richard consoled, holding her until she calmed down.

‘I was just on my own when he came out and jumped me!’ Funke explained

Richard shook his head in disbelief.

‘These guys are crazy. What are you doing here anyway? Thank God I came out when I did. But aren’t you a Christian? Why are you here?

Funke couldn’t conceal her embarrassment.

‘I made a terrible mistake’.

‘Eagles don’t fly with Vultures’. Richard remarked.’If you don’t stop hanging around places like this, you’ll get into real trouble soon. You’ll be better of, if you stick with your kind of people!’

state:

Eagles don’t fly with Vultures!

Sex by the manual?

Luke leaned back against the wall of the Tube Station and closed his eyes, trying to shut out the hustle and bustle around him. It was just past 8:00pm and the home bound workers around him looked as tired as he was. Gosh, it had been a horrible day!

Suddenly, a shrill whistle shattered his progress at calming his nerves! Luke opened his eyes and saw Shaq, his friend and colleague at work poking at his ribs and pointing towards an attractive Lady who had just walked past where they stood!

“I’d give an arm and a leg to lay my hands on that hot babe!” Shaq gushed his features wearing a lecherous grin!

Luke was not unfamiliar with his friend’s preoccupation with the opposite sex. He turned away in disgust, leaned back against the wall and closed his eyes again.
“Sometimes, I wonder if you’re flesh and blood at all. Didn’t you see her?” Shaq retorted angered by Luke’s lack of interest.

Luke opened his eyes and smiled patiently at his friend.
“I’m flesh and blood all right. I’m just not stupid!”

Shaq leaned against the wall and looked at his friend closely. “What’s gotten into you these days man? You’re not the same old Luke. You don’t seem interested in babes anymore. Are you sick or something?”

Luke took a deep breath before speaking.

“Shaq, there’s something I’ve wanted to tell you. I don’t want to live like we used to anymore! I met this girl about a month ago and things just haven’t been the same again!”

Shaq caught his friend’s elbow and gave him a slight push.
“You’re kidding me man! I warned you about that Lola girl. Don’t tell me you’re in love with her. She’s weird, man! There’s something about her that I just can’t figure out!”

Luke smiled at his friend. “She’ a Christian Shaq. I’ve never met anyone like her. She’s just so different and she makes a lot of sense. I wanted to hit on her when we first met but she was so cool and she treated me with so much respect! She said she didn’t want to date me but she didn’t see why we couldn’t be friends.”

Shaq gave his friend a curious look “And—”
“Well, I talk with her now and again and we’re just friends but I see a lot of things different now. Take sex for example. She explained why sex before marriage is wrong and she made perfect sense!”

“I’m listening,” Shaq commented still puzzled.

“It’s like this,” Luke continued. “God made man and God is like man’s manufacturer. Every manufacturer has a manual for his products. You have to obey the instructions in the manual if you don’t want to damage the product. Lola says God’s manual for man is the Bible and the manual says not to have sex before marriage!”
Shaq stared at his friend, amazed.

“And this makes sense to you?”

“Well she showed me from the Bible. She also showed me that God has a purpose for my life and I’m so special that God sent his son Jesus to come to this world to pay the penalty for my sins. He died in my place!”

“I can’t believe this, Luke.” Shaq looked alarmed “What’s happening to you, man?”
Luke grabbed his friend and eye balled him. “There is nothing wrong with me Shaq, you’re the one something is wrong with! Are you really happy hitting on girls, partying and just cruising on? Does life have any meaning to you? Are we just here on earth to run around, spend our lives working to get rich, get married, raise kids, buy a house and then die off? Don’t you think there’s got to be more to life than that?”
Shaq was quiet as he thought over what Luke had just said.

“I guess you’re making sense,” he finally admitted.

“Of course I’m making sense. If the Manufacturer says I can get damaged by getting into premarital sex, I have enough sense to know he’s right. Look Shaq, I don’t know about you but I’m going to spend more of my time studying the Bible. I want to find out a lot more about what the manual says about me!”

The pretty lady walked back and past the two friends. This time however, Shaq didn’t even notice her! He was deep in thought, pondering over what he had just heard!
state:

SEX BY THE MANUAL?

10 Top Reasons why wives cheat!

Why do wives cheat? There are lots of reasons but contrary to what many believe, sex is not the top reason why wives cheat. More often than not, wives begin with emotional affairs which could turn sexual!

Here is a look at ten top reasons why wives cheat.

1)         Inattentive husbands

One of the reasons why most women get married is for companionship. When a woman ends up with an inattentive husband, one who is too pre-occupied with his work, religion or some other thing, there is a tendency for her to drift towards a more attentive fellow and this could lead to emotional ties which……..

2)         Feelings of not being valued

When a woman begins to feel like she is just another piece of furniture in the home, there may be trouble ahead especially if she comes across another fellow who makes her feel like a prized Diamond!

3)         Feelings of not being appreciated

This is close to not feeling valued. In many homes, husbands hardly let their wives know that they appreciate the latter’s contribution to the home or to their success. We all like people saying ‘thank you’ to us, don’t we? When that wife meets someone who appreciates everything she does, well, ………..

4)         Feelings of being taken for granted

Many times, husbands assume that their wives don’t have a choice and will stay with them forever. They begin to do things that show that she can go to hell, for all they care! When that wife meets someone else who lets her know that her opinions matter, well,……….

5)         Absentee husbands

The difference between an inattentive husband and an absentee husband is that the latter is hardly ever at home! The office, the church or the Club are what the poor wife has to contend with! In comes a neighbour or colleague at work who is always there to fix her car or help with just about anything that husbands are supposed to do. Hello trouble!

6)         Child husbands

When a woman finds herself married to an immature husband who does not believe that it is his responsibility to provide for the home, she can be tempted when a man that is ready to give her the good things of life shows up. That’s just the way the cookie crumbles!

7)         Pre-marital sex

Pre-marital sex? Yep! Research has actually shown that folks who engage in pre-marital sex are more prone to committing adultery! God designed sex exclusively for married couples. When people engage in pre-marital sex, they sow a seed of immorality and they are often prone to repeating the pattern after marriage. After pre-marital sex, marital infidelity is really no big deal!

8)         Abusive husbands

An abused woman often remains in a marriage because she lacks self worth or has a low self esteem. Some even believe in a sadistic sort of way that they deserve the abuse! If the woman however comes into contact with a man that treats her with kindness and she realizes that she is worth something after all, she’s on her way out of the abusive marriage!

9)         Having a parent who committed adultery

This is probably new to you. When a parent commits adultery to the knowledge of their kids (and you’ll be surprised how much children really know) they set a pattern which their children often follow in future! Children are copy cats! It is immaterial whether the parent’s conduct is right or wrong. They tend to replicate that conduct in later life!

10)       Wrong associations

When a woman hangs around friends whose moral code is below hers, only one thing can happen. They will drag her down with them! They may even provide her with the man to have an affair with!

11)      Lack of sexual satisfaction in marriage

In today’s lust crazed world where nudity and sexual messages bombard our senses all day long, some women, like men, are now getting involved in extra-marital sex just for the fun of it!

When a woman is married to an ignorant fellow who refuses to get educated about performing better in the bedroom, depending on her belief system, she may decide to become adventurous!

I hope you’re now a bit wiser guys! You’re not the only one who can cheat!

state:

10 Reasons why wives cheat!

Wait, even if it takes forever!

It was about 7pm and the sun had gone down earlier than usual.  It was summer, but already dark but my thoughts were darker than the night!

Sitting by me on the white sandy beach of the Atlantic Ocean was Ruth, one of my most favourite people in the world. We were both quiet as we stared ahead into the sea of nothingness before us.  The lights of some Boats flashed in the distance as stars danced over the waters of the Atlantic.

I hadn’t spoken with Ruth face to face in about a year. Then out of the blues she called about a week ago and asked if we could have lunch! I agreed but it turned out to be a late lunch because I couldn’t get away from my other engagements.

After Lunch, we decided to take a walk on the sandy Beach and fifteen minutes later my mood took a dive, mirroring  the night around us.

I’d known Ruth for some six years and from the day I met her, I was impressed! This was a young lady that had her head screwed right. As far as Love relationships were concerned, she set her standards really high and prayed about the kind of guy she wanted. I was sure she was going to hook up with a fantastic guy and settle down to a marriage made in heaven.

You can understand my devastation when Ruth announced that she had gotten married and was now separated within that one year out of circulation!

“ I can’t believe what you’ve just told me! You knew what you wanted in a man and you weren’t going to compromise! What happened?’

I could sense the tears in Ruth’s voice as she responded.

“I set my standards but after waiting for six years and the right guy didn’t show up, I thought maybe I had set my standards too high!”

It was getting chilly and I hung my jacket across her shoulders. I could feel her shivering all over.

“I knew Tolu wasn’t right for me from the first day we met but hey, I was tired of waiting for Mr. Right.  He seemed okay, but there was this nagging feeling that I couldn’t place. I had an uneasy feeling every time we spoke about marriage”

“So what happened? ” I asked, urging her to go on.

“I found out later that he wasn’t really that committed to Jesus. He had just started attending church when we met and I knew many of his friends in church. I guess I made a lot of assumptions. To be honest with you, now, I really doubt if he ever got converted!”

I still couldn’t believe it. ” Didn’t you go for pre-marital counseling?

Ruth stopped to look at me. ” We went for counseling but I guess none of us, including the Pastors could see through him! He had the right lingo, the right scriptures, the right Bible…… He was good!”

“I’m so sorry.” I consoled her ” How long did you court for?”

“Four months, but he was so nice while we were courting. Sometimes I wonder if he didn’t come to church just to entrap me!”

This was sounding like something from the movies. “But why didn’t you come to see  me or even call me?

“I avoided you because I knew you wouldn’t approve of him.  I knew the relationship would be over the minute you set eyes on him, I couldn’t talk to you about him!

I shook my head in unbelief

She continued. “At first, he said the church services were too long. Then he said I was becoming a fanatic. Finally, he stopped going to church and forbade me from going to church too. He threatened to deal with me if I as  much as sent a text message to anyone from church!”

“It was sheer hell, but I obeyed him. Yesterday morning, he woke up and started packing all my stuff. Before I knew it, I was out on the streets! Just like that!”

By now Ruth was weeping uncontrollably. But there was nothing I could say to really console her.  We both knew where she went wrong!  She should have waited for the guy she prayed for!  She shouldn’t have compromised when he hadn’t shown up on time!

You see, in every child of God, there is always a warning signal whenever we are about to make a terrible mistake. Sometimes, it’s the absence of peace. If you are about to take a step and you feel troubled, don’t go ahead. Most of the time, it is a warning that you could be making a terrible mistake!

Ruth had the warning signs but she couldn’t wait! Here she was now, back to square one!

Sometimes, when we pray, we have to wait till the answer comes, even if it takes forever!

state:

WAIT, EVEN IF IT TAKES FOREVER!